President Obama Phone Call To President Nieto Of Mexico
Neito: Hola? Como
Esta? (How are you?)
Obama: Yes, Buenos Deos Amigo! This is Barack calling from
Washington DC.
Neito: Como se llama? (What’s your name)
Obama: It’s me, Barack Obama – President of the United States.
Neito: Oh si! Que Pasa? (What’s happening)
Obama: Well, El Presidente. We have a little problem and I
was hoping you could help us out?
Neito: Problem, what problem? Don’t tell me you want all
those guns back. We already gave them away.
Obama: No no – it’s not the guns; it’s something more
important.
Neito: Oh no, don’t tell me you’re returning the Mexican
“visitors” from the U.S.? Where am I supposed to put them all?
Obama; No no, we’re keeping them, how do you think I’m going
to be elected a third term? It’s about the marine; you guys have him down in
Tijuana.
Neito: Que? I don’t know any Maureen from Tijuana. Is she a
special friend of yours? I won’t tell anybody.
Obama: No Enrique – not Maureen, Marine, you know like the
army Marine. He’s one of our citizens and he is being held in one of your
jails. If it’s not too much trouble, we would like to have him released?
Neito: Oh, Lo Siento (I’m sorry). I do know this Marine, he
is scheduled for trial for breaking into our county, with a bunch of assault
weapons. No?
Obama: Well. Rique, he didn’t “invade” Mexico like we did,
or the Spanish, or the French, he’s more like a lost gringo tourist than a
conquering force.
Neito: Con Permiso (Excuse me). He may be lost, but what
about the tres pistolas?
Obama: You wanna keep the pistolas? No problema! We just
want our amigo back, muey pronto if you could?
Neito: Well. Now Presidente “O”migo – we are not just gonna
give him back for nothing, you have to pay something. A small token of
appreciation in return for our generosity. of course.
Obama: Pay a fee? Are you loco? We are already paying a fee
every year. It’s just over a billion dollars the last time I checked. How’s
that for “token”?
Neito: Oh si. I forgot about that. I thought it was a propina
(tip). So maybe we don’t give him back. What are you going to do to us? Stop
eating guacamole? Boycott Corona’s?
Obama: How about we cancel your tip, cancel NAFTA, cancel
all flights to and from Mexico, put land mines on the border, and send the rest
of our “Maureen’s” to Mexico to retrieve our Amigo? Comprende?
Neito: Perdon, perdon. Lo siento (I’m sorry). We will get
started right away, we just needs some paperwork, and it will all be fine, ok?
No problem, just wait until mañana, ok? Or the next day, ok?
Obama: Bueno! Muchas Gracias. Felize Navidad, Cinco de Mayo,
and Hasta La Vista!
Neito: Adios, Amigo! Bueno Suerte! (Good luck)
*Hangs up the phone and says to his generals. “Start the
papers, transfer this ‘Maureen’ to Jarez. We don’t need no stinkin’ badges to
cross this red line. Everyone knows that in Mexico Mañana never comes!
