Monday, December 30, 2013

Why do we become 'Maniacs' for sports?


Hello sports fans! I’ve got a question for you, a question that you will likely relate to; there’s even a chance that this epitomizes you. Why do billions of people act like complete maniacs when following an athlete they have never met, or a team that has not won a championship in 50 years? My guess is that given a choice between following the daily news or a colorful distraction, it’s “game on” for most folks.


I’ll be the first one to agree, it’s not always fun and games. Rioting, hooliganism, and the occasional mass murder inside a soccer stadium – it can be a bit distasteful, but for the most part, sports are a good thing. I was born with several competitive bones in my body and appreciate games of all kinds, so let’s dive into the beautiful world of sports.

Here is a couple that top my list: American football, auto racing, Olympic sports, fishing, and elephant polo! Don’t believe me? Google it, I swear I didn’t make that up!

Despite my love for the variety of sports above, there’s one sport that truly gets me revved up and keeps me out of my seat, while wincing for those who are being inflicted with serious pain. Drum roll please…by far the most exciting sport in the world is professional bull riding. In what other sport does the opponent attempt to literally kill the athlete for the amusement of the audience? See the attraction? It’s the most wonderful train wreck that one simply cannot keep their eyes off of; it’s inevitable that someone is going to get injured, but naturally, you cannot change the channel.

Of course, everyone is entitled to his or her favorite sport, but at the risk of further alienating my vast audience, I am not afraid to mock the following sports.

·      Bowling and billiards - for obvious reasons.
·      Figure skating - not the skater’s themselves - it’s the scoring system I object to. Think about it. You don’t know your score until it’s over? Not much you can do about it then. That’s stupid.
·      Walk racing. It’s oxymoronic and spastic.

I’m also turned off by the blood sports of boxing, bullfighting, and Frisbee golf.
There are a couple of sports that would clearly benefit from an Oh Scott rules upgrade. That being excitement and extreme amusement!

·      Golf - Way too slow. Can someone please add a racing element?
·      Baseball - Same thing. How about a bat clock? Much like the shot clock in basketball; if you need a 7th inning “stretch”, your game is longer than it needs to be.
·      Sailing - this would be considerably more interesting if the use of weapons could be reintroduced. You know, like pirates and Admiral Nelson.

Finally, I would like to improve the world’s most popular sport, soccer.
I would highly consider watching soccer if the players were allowed to use their hands, you added an extra ball, while putting up a fence and threw in an angry bull or two. Would that drastically change the entire sport? Yes, of course, but this is Oh Scott rules, and that would be my kind of thrill!

Finally, we wouldn’t be talking about true American sports unless we dove into the sport we dominate year after year. Getting fat! If “face stuffing” were an Olympic sport, team USA would be a lock for the gold, silver, and bronze medals. Clearly not something we should be proud of. Maybe we should all play more and watch less? Well, since I have a general dislike for getting all sweaty, I’ll just stick with being a fan for now. Go team!

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Be blessed and stay crazy, you sports maniac!  

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